Monday, June 27, 2011

So where does Superman go to change.....

There is an ongoing joke in my house. It is about the existance of phonebooths. When my girls first started asking for cell phones, I was resistant. Until you are driving, what is the need for a cell phone?
Them: What if I need a ride home from school after practice?
Me: Use the pay phone.
Them: We don't have one.
Them: (A week later) OMG I saw the payphone at school today. (said as if an alien had dropped out of the sky)
When Jess went on a field trip to New York City she took a picture of a phonebooth, in disbelief that such things actually existed. Much the way you would take a picture of Bigfoot hiking in the woods.
In the following years the school pay phone was removed, but I am glad they verified it's existance before its extinction.

Friday, June 24, 2011


Ever since my daughters turned 16, I've been having issues with their underwear.  As far as I know, I am the only girl in the household having sex, and yet, their underwear is something a stripper might deem fashionable. Just the other day I saw something in the dryer I thought was a shredded tissue, only to discover it was underwear.

The point really hit home recently, when a rubberband attached to a triangle of fabric, was accidentally dropped behind the dryer. I went into panic mode. What if my husband found it? I had to retrieve it. My husband stopped doing laundry when the first pair of girlie underwear that didn't feature the little mermaid surfaced. There is no arguing with this logic. No dad wants to know his girls are wearing anything less than Disney Princess underwear.

I can't wait for September. The girls will both be safely at UMD and my husband can return to laundry duty.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Chubby is in my blood.

There are many ways to deal with weight gain. My weight started creeping up as I approached and then surpassed 40. Let's be clear...I come from a long line of chubbies. It was not unexpected. I was always a bit bewildered by my lack of resistance to weight gain. I think that is because my favorite people (mom and mema) were always heavy, and yet, so fun and happy.

While I wasn't resistant, I was in a strange form of denial.  I bought loose fitting sundresses and the next size up shorts and pants. Instead of dieting, I chose another way of coping.  I cut the tags out of the clothes I bought. No tags, no evidence. Next, as I passed Lane Bryant in the mall, I found myself walking slowly. I wouldn't go in...but I would take note of what I might be wearing next.

This past fall I found the magic combination of sudafed and milk thistle. I am down 19 pounds. Just a few pounds to goal weight. It is a totally unexpected turn of events. My life's path appeared to be clear and predictable...I find myself more amazed at the weight loss than the weight gain.

I've always believed skinny old women were bitches....what if I become one?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

And now my head implodes...

Did I mention Alec is away overnight?
I come home after work, pour a drink and get ready to relax...but, not so fast missy. Your family has had a troubling day. First I must smile and nod while my husband goes on about his day. (This is a very important wife job...feigning interest with enthusiasm.) He finally heads to bed.
Just as I pour a second drink and think maybe now I will watch the Modern Family finale - Jess comes in and needs to vent about her life while I nod and ask questions. (This is a very important mother job...feigning interest, enthusiasm doesn't need to be at the same level. Is this because she is a child or because she is a woman? Point to ponder.) As she is finishing her story I wonder if anyone will notice if I turn the laptop and start playing Free Cell. She finally heads to bed too.
Do you ever feel like you are on Survivor where the only strategy is to outlast until they all go to sleep?
At least Alec isn't home so I can sleep in tomorrow. It's finally "me time"'s OK that it's midnight.